Can Emotional Abuse be worse than Physical Abuse?
by Chanel Williams and Ann Rusnak

Yes and No. Physical abuse and Emotional abuse are interlinked. Non physical and physical abuse can lead to psychological trauma that can have a lasting effect on an individual.

However this being that physical abuse can leave an actually physical mark or material proof that it has happened. Support for physical abuse is more readily available and can be readily identified. Whereas emotional abuse has the same psychological trauma as any form of abuse but is harder to identify and treat.

There is a misconception of what to readily identify in others who have suffered some form of abuse other than physical, but the results can last a lifetime. Emotional abuse is defined as behaviors that deal with a person’s mental health and social development.

These behaviors can be verbal abuse, belittling, tearing down self esteem, withholding affection, being highly critical, and purposely damaging and distorting a person’s sense of self. There effects whether done in childhood or adulthood have a lasting effect in a person like.

The effects that result from physiological/emotional abuse is feelings of worthlessness, no sense of safety in their surroundings, distorted sense of trust, depression, suicide, anxiety, dissociation, posttraumatic stress disorder, and anger.

Abuse is any behavior that is designed to control and subjugate another human being through the use of fear, humiliation, intimidation, guilt, coercion, manipulation etc.

Emotional abuse is any kind of abuse that is emotional rather than physical in nature. It can include anything from verbal abuse and constant criticism to more subtle tactics, such as repeated disapproval or even the refusal to ever be pleased.

Emotional Abuse – Brain Washing Effect

Emotional abuse is like brain washing in that it systematically wears away at the victim’s self-confidence, sense of self-worth, trust in their own perceptions, and self-concept. Whether it is done by constant berating and belittling, by intimidation, or under the guise of "guidance," "teaching", or "advice," the results are similar. Eventually, the recipient of the abuse loses all sense of self and remnants of personal value.

Beverly Engel, MFCC writes in her book The Emotionally Abused Woman… "Emotional abuse cuts to the very core of a person, creating scars that may be far deeper and more lasting that physical ones. In fact there is research to this effect. With emotional abuse, the insults, insinuations, criticism and accusations slowly eat away at the victim’s self-esteem until she is incapable of judging the situation realistically. She has become so beaten down emotionally that she blames herself for the abuse. Her self-esteem is so low that she clings to the abuser.

Emotional abuse victims can become so convinced that they are worthless that they believe that no one else could want them. They stay in abusive situations because they believe they have nowhere else to go. Their ultimate fear is being all alone."

However there are connections of there being a stronger impact when emotional abuse when coupled with another form of abuse in which the effects of the abuse are greater. However there is not enough research to readily identify these factors UNLESS coupled with other forms of abuse.

Society’s acknowledgement of emotional abuse is limited because of

1) societal expectations of how emotional abuse should be. – need to be a criminal deviant before it’s acknowledge

2.) There is a misconception on the long term effects that emotional abuse can have because of different perspectives of what defines emotional abuse in general.

Emotional abuse is almost always present when other forms are identified but emotional abuse can occur with little or no other abuse.

Verbal Abuse Can Be Worse Than Physical

CNN interviews Dr. Phil in response to a teenager who killed herself after sever mental abuse from classmate.

"…What we know psychologically is that psychological injuries, verbal abuse, mental, emotional abuse can have a much more devastating effect on someone than physical abuse. Physical injures heal and you can move on…"

Remember any type of abuse is wrong and shouldn’t be tolerated.

Emotional Abuse And The Damaging Effects

"Sticks and stones my break my bones but names will never hurt me."

This childhood phrase infuriates me to no end. I personally feel it diminishes the effects of emotional abuse. Society often doesn’t recognized it as a genuine form of abuse. People see the effects of physical abuse… they  see the scars. The scars from emotional abuse are hidden deep inside.

While I was recovering from my childhood memories returning, I felt people tended to minimize the importance of emotional abuse and/or the damage it does. The attitude that it didn’t belong in the same class as physical or sexual abuse, mades it harder to heal.

Thankfully, I think this is beginning to change. People are beginning to recognize, understand and acknowledge the lasting and severe impact of childhood emotional abuse.

Beverly Engel, MFCC provides a wonderful explanation of Emotional abuse and it’s affects in her book The Emotionally Abused Woman. (emotional abuse happens to both men and women and this explain applies to both)

"Emotional abuse is any behavior that is designed to control another person through the use of fear, humiliation, and verbal or physical assaults. It can include verbal abuse and constant criticism to more subtle tactics like intimidation, manipulation, and refusal to ever be pleased. Emotional abuse is like brainwashing in that it systematically wears away at the victim’s self confidence, sense of self worth, trust in her perceptions, and self-concept. Whether it be by constant berating and belittling, by intimidation, or under the guise of "guidance" or teaching, the results are similar. Eventually, the recipient loses all sense of self and all remnants of personal value.

Emotional abuse cuts to the very core;of a person, creating scars that may be longer-lasting than physical ones. With emotional abuse, the insults, insinuations, criticism and accusations slowly eat away at the victim’s self esteem until she is incapable of judging the situation realistically. She has become so beaten down emotionally that she blames herself for the abuse. Her self esteem is so low that she clings to the abuser.

Emotional abuse victims can become so convinced that they are worthless that they believe that no one else could want them. They stay in abusive situations because they believe they have nowhere else to go. Their ultimate fear is being all alone."

Emotional abuse conducts a psychological warfare for control and power over ones individualism. It has the capacity to erode away one’s self identity. It murders your soul and drains the life energy from your core being. It can leave your inner identity shattered.

Emotional abuse robs you of sense of hopefulness; about the future and makes you doubt any; worthwhile contribution you can maketo the world.

Emotional abuse dehumanizes the individual. They begin to wonder if they have any right to go on living; or even asking for help.

Physical wounds usually heal quickly. Emotional wounds don’t.

Can A Car Accident Help Explain The Effect Of Emotional Abuse

I finally found a  way to express the effect and damage left from emotional abuse. It’s the best explanation I came up with to help people understand the destructiveness of this form of abuse.

I began comparing physical and emotional abuse to passengers in a car ride.  Emotionally abused is the driver and physically abused is the passenger.

They’re driving along when all of a sudden the car experiences an accident.

Physically abused is thrown from the car and lays on the ground bleeding with several broken bones. You can physically the trauma the left by the accident.

Emotionally abused hits the stirring wheel and jerks her head from the impact. Other than feeling a little soar and shaken, appears fine. She get out of the car to check on Physically abused.

The ambulance arrives and sees Physically abused on the ground and immediately begin treating her injuries.

Emotionally abused diminishes her own injuries. (an attitude typical of people emotionally abused)  She thinks her injuries are nothing compared to Physically abused. She tells the attendees she is fine, even though she hurts inside.

The attendees rush Physically abused to the hospital. Sirens blaring, alerting everyone who hears them to the seriousness of her injuries. Her injures are assessed, acknowledged and validated in the emergency room.

She immediately receive the necessary treatment. Her condition stabilizes and is given a good chance of recovering.

That evening, Emotionally abused dies at home. Later an autopsy reveals what nobody saw. Cause of death: internal bleeding.

Physical abuse leaves behind bruises and broken bones, while emotional abuse kills the self esteem of the victim.

Recognizing The Effects of Emotional Abuse

Psychological abuse, mental abuse, verbal abuse and emotional abuse refer to the same thing and generate many long-term effects:

• depression;
• withdrawal from real life;
• low self-esteem;
• severe anxiety;
• fearfulness;
• failure to thrive in infancy;
• aggression;
• emotional instability;
• sleep disturbances;
• physical complaints with no medical basis;
• inappropriate behaviors for age or development;
• overly passive/compliant;
• suicide attempts or discussion;
• extreme dependence;
• underachievement;
• inability to trust;
• stealing;
• other forms of abuse present or suspected;
• feelings of shame and guilt;
• frequent crying;
• self-blame/self-depreciation;
• overly passive/compliant;
• delay or refusal of medical treatment;
• discomfort or nervousness around caregiver or relative;
• substance abuse;

Remember any form of abuse is about power and control. Don’t dismiss or underestimate the effects of emotional abuse.

Activist and author Saul Alinsky didn’t minimize the effects of verbal abuse. He elevates emotional abuse to a national level as an effective power tactic in his book Rules for Radicals .

Rule 5: "Ridicule is man’s most potent weapon. It is almost impossible to counterattack ridicule. Also, it infuriates the opposition, who then react to your advantage."

"Sticks and stones can break your bones but words can KILL your self respect, your spirit and your true self.."