Life Lessons

Who Benefits the Most from Forgiveness?

Forgiveness can be a tricky subject. You may ask yourself how can I forgive the wrong, the hurt somebody caused me? You may say to yourself, look at what their actions have caused in my life. You may be thinking, it’s not fair, if I forgive them, they got away with it, what about the responsibility they need to take for their actions?

All those feelings are legitimate. I felt the same way too. No way I’m forgiving. They messed my life up. I wouldn’t be in the situation if it wasn’t for them. They aren’t taking any responsibility for the abuse that occurred during my childhood.

First things I heard during recovery was, I need to forgive. What???? You got to be kidding me. But they were right.

Over the years, here is what I discovered. Forgiveness has nothing to do with the other person. Forgiveness is for you, for your peace of mind so you can move forward in your life.

Forgiveness doesn’t mean you deny the other person’s responsibility for hurting you, and it doesn’t minimize or justify the wrongdoing. It allows you to let go of the hurt and pain, so their actions no longer control you. You take back your power.

When you don’t forgive, you stay in resentment, living the event repeatedly in your mind. Expending lots of time and energy to keep the hurt alive.

You only need to forgive one time. That’s it. Life is too short. You gain more time and energy back from no longer dwelling on the experience and desiring some sort of justice or revenge.

Forgiveness allows you to move forward, leaving the energy draining negativity behind.

Forgiveness allows you to move forward, leaving the energy draining negativity behind. You can enjoy a life of inner peace and joy. Which is probably the best revenge anyway. At this point, you won’t even care anymore about seeking some form of retaliation because you’re aligned with the Universe.

Everyone makes mistakes in life. Nobody is perfect. Sometimes people hurt or do something unintentionally. Not aware of how it affected you. You’ve probably done the same thing too.

Forgiving yourself is the ultimate act of self-love. It will bring a sense of inner peace to help you let go of the past and open you to receiving abundance from the Universe.

Stay Unstoppable,

Just Being Himself Won Our Hearts

by Ann Rusnak

Just Being Himself Won Our Hearts

Spider entered my life on November 7. He was an unexpected gift and would only be in our lives for a week. In that short week, he stole both mine and my husband’s heart.

We stopped at the pet store to pick up litter and I always go over to the kitty kennel to pet the kittens. There was an adorable brown kitten.

He rubbed his head against my finger which activated his purr switch. This little guy was a big purr machine. There was something special about him and an invisible connection was born.

The petting stopped as I go join my husband in the checkout line. This little guy wanted more and meowed in protest as I left. I look over and he’s watching me at the register.

We start heading home when out of the blue my husband says, "Should we get the kitten?" His totally uncharacteristic remark caught me by surprise. He said there was something in my eyes when I was petting him and was surprised I didn’t ask when were at the store.

I’ll be honest, I wasn’t sure I wanted another kitten. My current cat, Dusty, has cancer and I already decided when she passes away, not to get another cat. There was something in my heart that ached for the little guy at the store. Yes we did connect.

When my husband made this suggestion based on a look I had, I figured I’d better go with it and make this little brown kitty a part of our family.

The light brown circles around his eye and his svelte, sleek body and long tail gave him the appearance of a spider monkey. Thus earning the name Spider.

Spider, according to the APL, was recently removed from a bad situation. His life didn’t start off on a good note. His personality shined through regardless of what happened to him. He didn’t let his past hold him back.

He made himself right at home. Running around exploring and crying when he lost sight of me. He loved being cuddled, just like Dusty.
This fun, loving little purr machine totally stole our hearts right away. He vocally expressed how he enjoyed his meals by making loud "yum yum" noises while eating.

He followed me throughout the house and got right into my morning meditation routine by joining Dusty on my lap. Giving me a stereo effect with their purring.

A couple of days later, Spider became less active and began sleeping more. At first I figured it was from all the trauma of being removed from his first home, getting neutered and shots at the APL, taken to the pet store and then finally coming to our home. All within a week.

Thursday turned into concerned when I got home that evening to see he didn’t touch his food. My husband said he threw up when he got home and he threw up again when I arrived.

The vet office was closed so I would call them in the morning to get him in. He was drinking water and still walking around although weakly. He drank some more water before we went to sleep.

At 2:00 in the morning, he started crying and I noticed he was weaker. We rushed him to the emergency room at the animal hospital. The emergency vet said he was critical and would give him liquids. They would still need to find out what caused the situation in the first place.

We returned in the morning with the vet giving us bad news. Apparently, Spider had a rare fatal parvovirus. We opted not to put him down there but to take him to our vet who was waiting for him. We still wanted to give him a chance even if it was a slim one.

I held and stroked Spider on the ride over while he looked up at me. At our vet’s we decided if he didn’t show signs of recovery by late morning, we would put him down. Our vet said he still might die during supportive care. We understood. Hugged and kissed him before she took him back to hook up the IV again.

Spider passed away before she could even begin.

We were told by the emergency room and our vet that there was nothing we could have done for him. This virus was fatal. By the time the APL rescued him, it was too late for the vaccine to take effect.

It still didn’t ease the pain. I’m comforted through tears that *God choose me to give this little guy’s last week of life, a warm, loving home.

Spider never stood a chance, even after his rescue. He didn’t let his horrible beginning keep him from being a warm, loving little kitten, full of joy and fun. He let us in, took our focus off our problems and showed us not to let the past determine your future.

What incident(s) in your life do you let hold you back from being you?

To Your Unstoppable Success

*Substitute Universe, Divine Spirit or whatever works for you.

A Daughter’s Valentine Memories by Ann Rusnak

by Ann Rusnak

A Daughter’s Valentine Memories

My father passed away 10 years ago. Although most of my childhood memories are unpleasant, there are a few good ones that warm my heart.

I had more in common with my father, than my mother. I inherited his fun loving entrepreneurial spirit.

Every Valentine’s Day, my father would give each of us girls a box of chocolate. When I married and left home, I would find a box of chocolates on my front door step. I didn’t realize how much I missed those boxes of chocolates.

My parents did their best with their current level of awareness and compared to my mother’s childhood, I guess mine was much better. Love came with conditions.

I forgave them and live this amazing, incredible life. It took many years and lots of work to finally find this happiness and inner peace.

I learned to give myself the unconditional love I didn’t receive growing up. I learned to love myself totally… faults and all… embracing my true ME… my Magical Essence™.

Valentine’s Day is a celebration of romance and love.

Oscar Wilde said "To love oneself is the beginning of a lifelong romance."

Begin your lifelong romance with yourself by following these tips:

Consider your own feelings. Your emotions are at least as important as everyone else’s. So, if you’re uncomfortable, act on that information. Take your own feelings into account in your everyday life and the decisions you make.
Take care of your emotional needs. Self-respect is apparent through the things you do to make yourself comfortable, content, and happy. If a relationship constantly makes you feel emotionally upset or out of balance, perhaps it’s time to do something about it. You are the only person you can be absolutely sure will be there to take care of yourself emotionally.
Acknowledge to yourself that you deserve respectful treatment. This is as simple as it gets: because you’re a human being, you deserve to be treated with fundamental human courtesies, including respect. Recognize your own value.
Avoid allowing anyone to treat you disrespectfully. Be clear that you expect to be treated with kindness and care, whether you’re interacting with a co-worker, partner, or your child.

Sometimes, you might think you’re giving someone a break by not insisting on being treated well. However, when you allow others to treat you poorly, you’re slacking on your own self-care and enabling them to practice negative interpersonal habits as well.

Treat others with respect. In order to treat others with respect, you need to have a clear idea about how to act in respectful ways. Then, you can turn those same responses toward yourself. Make showing respect a way of life.

Which of these tips will you do? Pick the one that really resonates with you and start making it a part of your life.

What other ways can you show yourself unconditional love? Share your thoughts below.

My granddaughter arrives

by Ann Rusnak

"If you want to make God laugh, tell him about your plans."

~ Woody Allen

Last Thursday at lunch, my daughter shared her "time off" plans for when Alexis would arrive. Everything was all worked out.

June 1st would be her last day since she was scheduled to be induced on the 6th. She said if Alexis would arrive early it would really mess up her "time off" schedule.

The next day Chantal calls me to announce she is going in for a C section.

Alexis arrives 2 1/2 weeks early letting everyone know who is really in charge.

Actually she was so excited hearing her "Momette’s" voice (code for grandmother) at lunch… she said to herself "I can’t wait to meet her."

So she didn’t wait. So much for planning… Alexis’s definitively has her own agenda.

Thanks for all the prayers… Mom and baby are doing well and are already home.

A Wicked Looking Lake Erie

by Ann Rusnak

We were very lucky and I thank God for his blessings. Although Ohio didn’t experience any where near the devastation the East coast experienced, we still got visited by Hurricane Sandy.

I never saw Lake Erie this wicked before… so many people couldn’t resist going down and checking it out… I was one of them. I grew up with hurricanes and this looks tame compared to the ocean. But it is still pretty incredible to view.

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Many of my friends are still without power, please keep them and everyone else who felt this wrath of this storm in your prayers.

Ch-ch-ch-ch-Changes

by Ann Rusnak

Site just went through a major site overhaul

Going from Studio Press’s older Lifestyle theme to the new Genesis Framework… took much longer than I anticipated.

WordPress evolved so much that the older theme no longer supported many of the "cool" changes. It keep requiring more and more work to keep the theme updated.

Time to take the plunge… bit the bullet… do the upgrade… and rev my site up with the Amped theme.

At first glance Genesis looks like a nightmare to figure out and many asking for support felt the same way. But once I got the hang of it, I soon realize a site on the Genesis Framework will make life so much simpler.

Deep inside me is a repressed nerd/geek that likes to come out and play from time to time. I enjoyed tinkering around with this great framework over the holidays.

I’m not completely done and there are a few minor tweaks but it’s time to open the site back up.

Following in the advice of my friend and mentor Bob "the Teacher" Jenkins… I’m doing a Take Action Revise Later approach.

All the original content is available and I’ll be adding several new "goodies" over the next few days so don’t panic at the "placeholders."

Besides the only way I can receive the support for the minor problem area, is for the Studio Press team to see what I’m talking about.

Can Emotional Abuse be worse than Physical Abuse?

by Ann Rusnak

Yes and No. Physical abuse and Emotional abuse are interlinked. Non physical and physical abuse can lead to psychological trauma that can have a lasting effect on an individual.

However this being that physical abuse can leave an actually physical mark or material proof that it has happened. Support for physical abuse is more readily available and can be readily identified. Whereas emotional abuse has the same psychological trauma as any form of abuse but is harder to identify and treat.

There is a misconception of what to readily identify in others who have suffered some form of abuse other than physical, but the results can last a lifetime. Emotional abuse is defined as behaviors that deal with a person’s mental health and social development.

These behaviors can be verbal abuse, belittling, tearing down self esteem, withholding affection, being highly critical, and purposely damaging and distorting a person’s sense of self. There effects whether done in childhood or adulthood have a lasting effect in a person like.

The effects that result from physiological/emotional abuse is feelings of worthlessness, no sense of safety in their surroundings, distorted sense of trust, depression, suicide, anxiety, dissociation, post traumatic stress disorder, and anger.

Abuse is any behavior that is designed to control and subjugate another human being through the use of fear, humiliation, intimidation, guilt, coercion, manipulation etc.

Emotional abuse is any kind of abuse that is emotional rather than physical in nature. It can include anything from verbal abuse and constant criticism to more subtle tactics, such as repeated disapproval or even the refusal to ever be pleased.

Emotional Abuse – Brain Washing Effect

Emotional abuse is like brain washing in that it systematically wears away at the victim’s self-confidence, sense of self-worth<, trust in their own perceptions, and self-concept. Whether it is done by constant berating and belittling, by intimidation, or under the guise of "guidance," "teaching", or "advice," the results are similar. Eventually, the recipient of the abuse loses all sense of self and remnants of personal value.

Beverly Engel, MFCC writes in her book The Emotionally Abused Woman… "Emotional abuse cuts to the very core of a person, creating scars that may be far deeper and more lasting that physical ones. In fact there is research to this effect. With emotional abuse, the insults, insinuations, criticism and accusations slowly eat away at the victim’s self-esteem until she is incapable of judging the situation realistically. She has become so beaten down emotionally that she blames herself for the abuse. Her self-esteem is so low that she clings to the abuser.

Emotional abuse victims can become so convinced that they are worthless that they believe that no one else could want them. They stay in abusive situations because they believe they have nowhere else to go. Their ultimate fear is being all alone."

However there are connections of there being a stronger impact when emotional abuse when coupled with another form of abuse in which the effects of the abuse are greater. However there is not enough research to readily identify these factors UNLESS coupled with other forms of abuse.

Society’s acknowledgement of emotional abuse is limited because of

1) societal expectations of how emotional abuse should be. – need to be a criminal deviant before it’s acknowledge

2.) There is a misconception on the long term effects that emotional abuse can have because of different perspectives of what defines emotional abuse in general.

Emotional abuse is almost always present when other forms are identified but emotional abuse can occur with little or no other abuse.

Verbal Abuse Can Be Worse Than Physical

CNN interviews Dr. Phil in response to a teenager who killed herself after sever mental abuse from classmate.

"…What we know psychologically is that psychological injuries, verbal abuse, mental, emotional abuse can have a much more devastating effect on someone than physical abuse. Physical injures heal and you can move on…"

Remember any type of abuse is wrong and shouldn’t be tolerated.

Stay Unstoppable,